Mother’s Day may not be until next month, but when it comes to paying your respects to Mother Nature, there’s no time like the present. And because I choose to recognize every holiday with an appropriate fashion or beauty purchase, I’ll be gifting the numero earth goddess (or, you know, moi) with Tarte’s new Be Good to Your Mother (Earth) tote set.

And that’s just what this purple natural cotton tote says. Besides being cute, sustainable, and reusable, the tote also contains three paraben-free 24.7 Lip Sheers with SPF 15 – perfect for tapping into your natural beauty. Mama would be so proud.

Be honest. When’s the last time you used a pencil for something other than holding up your up-do? If you’re like me, you’re one of those gals with a veritable bird’s nest of bobby pins, chopsticks, hair clips, and writing utensils in your long locks. So here’s a little Etsy find for my fellow long-tressed magpies: COGnitive Creations’ ‘Locket in Your Locks’ Hair Forks.

Known for bewitching chain jewelry, COGnitive Creations has fashioned silver hair prongs adorned with funky charms (hearts, birds, top hats, clock gears, bats, dragonflies, etc.) so you can accent your up-do with a little bit of personality. They also make unique hair clips adorned with neo-Victorian bee and skeleton key charms.

They’re whimsical, they’re mysterious, they’re functional…and they’re the perfect thing to give your tresses a little TLC.

In the spirit of ‘Green Month’ this April, I thought I’d dig up some killer eco-friendly beauty collections. Luckily, it didn’t take long for me to slap eyes on Smashbox’s limited-edition Mother Earth Palette, a planet-friendly assortment of four eye shadows and a blush encased in a design-snob-approved sustainable wood effect case.

The makeup swag is all certified organic, but it doesn’t stop there. For every purchase, a tree will be planted by the eco-minded non-profit organization Trees for the Future. Try not to bruise yourself when you give yourself that big pat on the back.

Okay, so I’m not in the habit of dropping a Benjamin Franklin on eye shadow, but there’s just something about Chantecaille’s new La Baleine Bleue Eyes palette that has me reaching for my wallet. Okay, okay, I confess: I have a Free Willy fetish!

Gorgeously decked out in soft blue, shimmering champagne, and neutral gray and cream, the luxurious palette features a blue whale and her calf – think Shamu gone sophisticated. In addition to being pretty to look at, the marine pastels are spot-on for spring.

Oh, and did I mention that 5% of sales benefits the International Union for Conservation of Nature to help protect our blowhole-sporting friends?

And PS: You can also snatch up the Blanche Face compact, a matching face powder in shimmering gold, pink and ivory.

I hope you brought your appetite.

This week’s Etsy find is Savor Soap, a sweet, vegan-minded husband and wife team based in San Francisco. It’s not hard to impress me with fresh all-natural soap, but it’s the lip-smacking, tummy-tempting flavors Savor features that make their collection of bath and beauty goodies so darn irresistible. Hey, you’ve got to love people that dub their jarred soap – so playfully whipped and creamy, like a good cake frosting – Crème Fraiche.

Beauty-obsessed gourmands can devour (not literally) scents like chocolate cardamom, oatmeal raisin, dulce de leche, strawberry rhubarb, polenta, Earl Grey, blood orange granita, and more, available in soap bar, ‘Crème Fraiche,’ sugar scrub, and body mist forms.

Don’t miss my favorite non-food-related pick: My Boyfriend’s T-Shirt, a scent tinged a fresh whiff of linen and a dash of cologne. Best of all, you don’t have to give it back if you break up.

It’s been a busy day. I’ve just accepted Josh Brolin’s marriage proposal (sorry, Diane), landed a plum assignment fluffing Andre Leon Talley’s furs and cleaning Anna Wintour’s sunglasses at Vogue, and came home to find an unlocked Brinks truck outside my front door.

Or, it could just be April Fools’ Day. Whatevs.

But since we’re in the playful, Punk’d spirit today, I thought we’d take a gander at some sneaky beauty products that will help you fake everything from a case of the Benjamin Buttons to monster lashes. It’s not deceptive—it’s just beauty, baby.

Hollywood Fashion Tape Silicone Breast Enhancers: Not packing much heat in your training bra? Slip these covert cha-chas into your bra for a little lift.

My Lines are Consealed Face Lift for a Day: Apply this to your face’s less-fabulous features (wrinkles, crow’s feet, puffy eyes, etc.) and you’ll be treated to a skin-smoothing faux face lift for 6-8 hours.

Fake Bake Bronzy Babe Full Tinted Body Glow: The name says it all. Nobody needs to know that your high school nickname was ‘Milky.’

Shu Uemura False Eyelashes Smoky Layers: Born with itsy-bitsy, barely there lashes? Fool ‘em all with these sultry slap-ons.

In these troubled economic times, ‘wearing designer’ has started to become less of a reality and more of a pipe dream.

But what if I said you could get your runway rocks off for just $15?

For reals.

Just check out Lippmann Collection’s new collaboration with ‘it’ boy designer Zac Posen, he of the fishtail finishes and ultra-femme frocks adored by Demi Moore and Claire Danes. Following in the footsteps of Mary J. Blige and Renee Zellweger, Posen has created his own nail polish shade, Purple Rain, which is being dubbed as a ‘twinkling lilac.’

That translates to a soft, oh-so-pretty pastel that’s just right for spring and all those girly (non-designer) floral pieces you plan on wearing.

Oh, and keep your eyes/nails/whatever peeled for Lippmann’s next big designer duet: Marquee Moon, a sparkling gunmetal silver from Rodarte’s Mulleavy sisters.